10. Elementary my dear...

Elementary my dear...

I've had a lot of shit to deal with this last week. And I mean that in a very literal sense. I looked through the back window the other day and spotted 4 ducks in the garden, and thought to myself "well isn't that nice, four little ducks, just wandering around the garden, minding their own business, having a dip in the pool". How wrong I was! I left the ducks to their own devices whilst I headed out for the afternoon, and upon my return found a garden full of duck shit. I then had the pleasure of spending the next 30 minutes with a brush and hose pipe clearing up the droppings produced from their bottoms. Inspired by this, I thought I would use my trusty friend, the Internet, to find ways of admiring ducks up close without the worry of having excrement spread everywhere. Ingenious.

I had a brief Skype encounter with my friends Stuart and Dave. It's quite hard to have a proper conversation when I was bog-eyed on a Sunday morning at 8.30am and they're chugging down their alcoholic beverages on a Saturday evening at 11.30pm, whilst trying to train their eyes and ears on Stuart's little iPod. I gave them a little treat by tucking my tail between my legs and unexpectedly showing them my 'mangina'. I think it's safe to say they thoroughly enjoyed it. If you're unsure as to what a 'Mangina' looks like, just Google it.


I've spent quite a bit of time reading this week and have just finished 'A Study in Scarlet' By Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, the first of the Sherlock Holmes novels. I was intrigued to see how good the books are as I love the film adaptations by Guy Ritchie, and was pleasantly surprised. I had always heard people praise them, but a lot of people praise the likes of Billy Shakespeare. Now he's a clever enough bloke The Bard and he wrote a few plays and what not, but to be honest I don't have a clue what he's on about half the time. Some of the Sherlock stories were written when Queen Victoria was still on the throne and the Titanic was still afloat, so some of the language is a little different, but you get the gist of it and it makes for a very entertaining read. I imagine it's a bit better than that '50 shades' nonsense that's going about anyway.

I was out and about in the city again the other day, one of my favourite past times it would appear, and came across this bizarre display of artwork in a shopping centre. I couldn't find an explanation as to what it was, but it looked pretty cool. 

Because I have plenty of time on my hands these days, I tend to read a lot of news on the Internet to entertain myself and often come across stupid and weird stories, and today was no different. An item that made the 'Strange' section of the Sky News website was a story of a human domino chain in China. This was a world record breaking event in which 1001 people took part and involved standing in a line with a mattress and waiting to be knocked over. Now I know that I'm hardly an advert for productivity, but what the F is this all about? Click Here to watch.


I went for drinks with some of my old work colleagues at the weekend and after they had left I struck up a conversation with a man whom proceeded to tell me all about the 'art' of prostitution and where to find the best women. I had no knowledge in this area going into the conversation, nor did I wish to, but he insisted on bequeathing me with this information. I left feeling slightly more knowledgeable and very much disturbed.


Sha-ting!